


it wasn't very long for us

by sevensevan



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, No happy endings, Post-Relationship, Season/Series 04, not here, you will not find one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 00:32:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevensevan/pseuds/sevensevan
Summary: A different way that conversation in 4x04 could've gone. Jemma and Daisy reflect on their past. Featuring acceptance, forgiveness, and resignation.





	it wasn't very long for us

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to a sad playlist and got real sad. here we are. set in an au that follows canon, except jemma and daisy sort-of-almost dated between s1 and s2. hope you enjoy.

_And was it really how you sing it, dear?_

_Oh, I remember worse than blood and tears_

_And did you love me like the way you wrote?_

_Well I’m afraid so, I’m afraid so_

_—Keaton Henson, Old Lovers in Dressing Rooms_

 

Daisy watches as Jemma wraps her arm tightly, not even wincing at the pain.

“Not even an email,” Jemma says quietly. “Nothing. I didn’t even know if you were still alive in between news stories about you collapsing bridges and fighting in the streets. Nothing to let me know you were okay.”

“Would you have wanted to know?” Daisy asks. Jemma glances up at her, and the raw look on her face is what finally makes Daisy wince. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “That wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Jemma agrees, turning back to the bandages. “It wasn’t.”

“I just…” Daisy leans back against the wall behind her, closing her eyes. “It doesn’t matter.” Jemma doesn’t answer. They both know Daisy’s words are as far as they could possibly be from the truth. “If it means anything, I thought about you,” Daisy says quietly. Jemma’s hands pause for a moment in their work before resuming. “Every day. I thought about calling you. Just to hear your voice.”

“Why didn’t you?” Jemma asks finally, letting go of Daisy’s arm and giving her full attention to the conversation.

“I didn’t think you would want to hear from me,” Daisy says. Jemma begins to protest, but Daisy cuts her off. “I know. Not fair.” She sighs. “I knew if I called you, you would ask me to come back. And I didn’t want to hurt you by saying that I couldn’t.”

“Come back,” Jemma interrupts her. Daisy looks away.

“Jemma…”

“Don’t hurt me,” Jemma says, suddenly desperate. “You don’t have to. Just _come back_ , Daisy.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“ _Can’t_.” The firmness of her voice takes Jemma by surprise. Daisy stares at her, sending a shiver down Jemma’s spine. Daisy has always had a way of making Jemma feel like she’s wearing her soul outside her body. “Jemma, I can’t go back.”

“Because of Lincoln.”

“Partially.” Jemma’s brow furrows. That’s not the answer she was expecting. “He’s not the only ghost I have at S.H.I.E.L.D., though.” Jemma flinches. “It’s okay,” Daisy murmurs, reaching for Jemma’s hand. Jemma pulls it away, and Daisy tries not to let the way that hurts show on her face. “It’s _okay_. It’s better this way.”

“Are you happy?” Jemma asks. “Is living this way what you want? Running from your friends all the time? The entire world hating you?” Daisy lifts one shoulder, a peaceful, resigned look on her face.

“It’s not what I pictured when they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up,” she jokes. It falls flat. Jemma just looks at her with sad, wide eyes. “It’s not…what I _want_ ,” Daisy says quietly. “But it’s enough.”

Jemma reaches for her hand this time.

(It reminds Daisy of how things used to be. It reminds her of _so much_ —of stolen moments on the Bus, of the way Jemma looked in the mornings, of how warm and safe she had felt with Jemma sleeping in her bed, of the way Jemma had looked on the nights she had snuck into Daisy’s bunk after Fitz was injured and before Jemma left for Hydra, wide eyes and shaking hands and just looking for someone to hold her. It reminds Daisy of the way she had felt whole the first time Jemma kissed her, the way she had, for the first time in her life, felt like an entire _person_ , instead of some fractured shell of a human being. It reminds Daisy of how beautiful Jemma had looked in the sunlight pouring in Daisy’s bunk window the day she had told Daisy that whatever they were doing— _whatever they were doing_ , that was how Jemma had described it, like it was just some _thing_ , like it wasn’t Daisy’s entire _universe_ —had to end.

It reminds Daisy of a lot of things that will never happen again.)

“You deserve more than just enough,” Jemma says firmly, and Daisy knows she believes it. “You deserve to be happy, Daisy.”

“So do you,” Daisy whispers. She shoves herself to her feet. “And that can’t happen with me around.”

(Daisy had seen the way Jemma walked on eggshells around her after she and Fitz got together. Jemma had treated her like glass, like she would shatter at the first sign of Jemma moving on. And maybe that was true, maybe it still _is_ true, but Jemma deserves more than that. She shouldn’t have to hide her happiness so Daisy can hold herself together.

Daisy’s emotions are her own. They’re _her_ responsibility, not Jemma’s.)

“Daisy, please don’t go,” Jemma pleads, standing as well. “Please, I—I wasn’t trying to hurt you.” Somehow, Daisy finds it in herself to offer Jemma a reassuring smile.

“I know.”

(And she does know. Jemma had never meant to use her, never meant to break her the way she had. Jemma doesn’t have that kind of cruelty in her. She never has. Even after Hydra, even after killing Bakshi, she still doesn’t. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Daisy. Jemma had just wanted to be happy.

Daisy really, truly hopes she is.

That would make all of this worth it.)

“I probably won’t see you again,” Daisy says, walking over to the window and gathering her strength. “But, Jemma…be happy. Just…be happy, okay? That’s all I want. Move in with Fitz. Marry him. Whatever makes you happy.”

“Daisy—“

Daisy jumps out the window.

By the time Jemma gets across the room and looks down, Daisy has disappeared into the crowded street below.

**Author's Note:**

> idk how i feel about this tbh, but i wrote it so i might as well post it. go check out my other skimmons fic and keep an eye out for an eventual full length from me. i'm currently debating between high school au, buffy au, and canon verse au where daisy has her powers from the start (there's a reason and i make myself sad every time i think about it). which one would you guys want to see? i'm on tumblr @thoughts-into-ink and @daisys-quake. fic requests are always open. leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed.


End file.
